If only......?

It may be one of those rant days....  Maybe not a full on rant but a "snap out of it and get over yourself" kinda rant!

I came across an old picture of myself this week.  It was taken 11 years ago.  I don't fully remember but I bet I didn't like it at the time.  Who knows why???  My hair, my face, the freckles...   But 11 years later I thought "wow, I was pretty cute". This thought reminded me of something I hear from people all the time.  "I hate having my picture taken, I never like the way I look in photos".  If I have heard that statement once I have heard it a hundred times.  

I photograph families -it really is a passion of mine.  I adore photographing people and relationships - parents with their children, brothers and sisters and one of my all time favorite sessions to photograph is grandparents with their grandchildren.  We live in a media driven perfectionistic society where hardly anyone feels good about having their portrait taken.  Except of course for this generation of teeny boppers who are "selfie" crazed.  Just wait until that first wrinkle, smile line or grey hair shows up....  Those "selfies" won't last long.  We are so used to looking at over-retouched unrealistic images on the covers of magazines that we have no idea what reality looks like.  Not a single person looks like the cover of a magazine.  Not even the person on the cover. Like most people, I see the covers but I also realize how much “PhotoShop” is done.  It really hit me while watching the Oscar red carpet shows.  All of the actresses look like they had aged 15 years since the last time I saw their picture in a magazine.  No one is flawless and flawless is boring and bullshit anyway.  Why would anyone want to live up to “flawless”   (Sidebar: the song from the musical Rent “Take me as I am” is playing in my mental sound track right now.) 

What is wrong with us?  When was the last time you looked at a photograph of someone you love and thought "Oh, they should have lost weight before taking that picture." or "Wow a little Botox would go a long way on that forehead" or "I can't believe they allowed themselves to be photographed at all."  How ridiculous does that sound?  We would NEVER say that about someone we love (especially if they are no longer with us).

If only we could see and feel about ourselves they way that our family does -for even just 5 minutes.  Imagine how different we would look at ourselves - how much less critical we would be.  Those people who love you the most do not see the flaws you think you have and if they do see them....  they don't see them as flaws - it's what they love about you.

My Nanny used to complain about how "old" her hands looked.  I loved her hands. They were veiny and wrinkled and perfect in every way.  She had the smallest hands and tiny little skinny fingers.  Those were the hands that held mine as we walked to school or church.  Those were the hands that always hemmed my pants.  Those hands were the home of her engagement ring that she wore everyday of her life and that I now wear.  To her  -her hands were old and worn to me they were beautiful and comforting.  

As I travel the country and meet with photographers I often ask when was the last time they had a family portrait taken.  Most of the time they can't answer me or they say "I'm behind the camera for a reason.  I don't like having my portrait taken"  So, your family really doesn't have any pictures with you and you are a photographer? How does that even make sense?  Well, it doesn't.  

Having photographs with your children is truly a gift you give them.  Without a doubt when a person dies the first thing we start looking for are pictures and there are never enough of them.   It's all we have left - a visual memory of what they looked like.  We wear the jewelry they left and keep some of the things that were special to them but I know for certain the one thing that means the most is photographs.  

Never hesitate to be photographed, especially with people you love.  I'll give you a few good reasons why.

1. You are not getting any younger.  If you don't like the portrait today I promise you in 10 years you will love it!

2. The chances of you losing those last 10 pounds are unlikely and not a single person who loves you cares about it any way!

3. How will you tell your life story to your children and grandchildren without pictures?

5. What will leave behind for them when you are no longer here?

6. I don't wish for much in life but I do wish I had more pictures with my grandparents.  There are no do overs - I can't take anymore pictures of them and I only wish I had more of them.  

Next week I will be celebrating my 44th birthday with my mother in NY.  I am taking her to see La Boheme at the Metropolitan Opera House.  You can be sure I will be taking pictures of us that day.  We will dressed for the opera and I will want to remember the two of us together on my 44th birthday! 


If you are a photographer, practice what you preach and make sure you have plenty of pictures of your family and close friends that include you.  You won't be here forever and someday someone will be saying they wish they had more pictures of you. 

If you are not a photographer, I recommend hiring one and having professional portraits created of your family. You will never regret having family portraits taken but someday you may regret not having enough pictures of the people you love the most. 

This is part of my bullentin board next to my desk... I have a few pictures with my grandparents there but I really wish I had more of them.


Kristy  commented on  April 2nd, 2014

Rant appreciated! I make a point to have family pictures done at least once a year. But I need to make more effort to be in our daily snapshots too.

Allie Miller  commented on  April 2nd, 2014

Michele, I admire you at many levels. And have met you in the past, and you are just as beautiful in person as you are represented in your work and teachings. This blog, has touched deeply... Because, nothing as truthful as 'I wished I could see myself, the way others look at me' - No formula to the madness. It is life.. and for the past 9 months, I have worked on that... trying to be more infront of the lens... Reading this blog, I can see I am not alone and probably I speak for many. Thank you for writing this, I am thankful for the memories.

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